Carpet sweepers and sock hops

 

 

Have you used a carpet sweeper? 

 

A machine for addition, subtraction, and multiplication?

 

Surely you have seen a computer before.

 

RCA video recorder 

 

 

Not strange relics of ancient history, these are the things of my youth, state of the art technology in the 1950s. I watched Leave It To Beaver in prime time. TV was black and white, three channels received by a big aluminum antenna on the roof. My grandparents lived in a town that was too far away to receive TV broadcasts, so they used CATV cable, a community antenna on a tower that was amplified and wired to a couple thousand homes — the forerunner of modern cable TV with hundreds of channels distributed by satellite. In the 1950s, there were two satellites in orbit, Sputnik (audio beeps) and Telstar (capable of relaying scratchy phone calls). Our knowledge of geography consisted of maps drawn by artists, based on land surveys and naval observations. Civil Defense volunteers scanned the skies for Russian bombers, listening for the drone of props and using binoculars in a lookout post on the roof of a tall building.

 

I'm speaking of it to say that some things haven't changed. Roof shingles and frame houses. Big storm drains. Sanitary sewers and filtration plants. Asphalt streets, concrete curbs, sidewalks, schools and universities. Dish soap. Thermostats and central heat from furnaces and boilers. Dairy and beef. Wheat, yeast, sweet corn, fresh fish, chicken, eggs. Rail and truck transport. Scheduled airlines, UPS, highways, snow plows, state parks, Coca Cola and 7-Up. Most of the world has not changed since I was a child. Computers are faster and cheaper, cars and aircraft infinitely more complicated. But bankers are still bankers. X-rays are still x-rays. We had vaccines and vitamins in the 50s. Brainy kids studied physics and calculus, engineered jet engines, power plants, shatterproof polymers, and smoke alarms. Skyscrapers, suspension bridges, and hydroelectric turbines were built before I was born.

 

The world did not begin with Facebook or fentanyl, binge viewing Netflix bullshit. When I was a kid, we had thick daily newspapers, two or three in every city, delivered by boys on bicycles, rain or shine. I did it and got a Social Security number, had to buy the papers and collect from customers. Sunday editions weighed two pounds each, a good day to knock on doors to get paid. We had home delivery of milk in glass bottles. My uncle had a milk route. His job started at 4 a.m., two hours later than his pal the town baker who made fresh fat jelly donuts and kaiser rolls five nights a week.

 

Whatever you think is cool about the modern world, forget it. Nobody had to lock their houses or cars in the 1950s. Nothing was made in China. VHF cop radios, ship to shore, and shortwave ham stations were built by Motorola and Hallicrafters. All toys were U.S. made, crystal clear 100x kid microscopes, Erector sets with hundreds of girders, nuts, bolts, pulleys, and cranks, multistage Estes model rockets, and Lionel railroad layouts with electric switches and car couplings detached by magnets. Girls had huge chemistry sets with acids, reagents, litmus paper, and test tubes. Many families had a set of encyclopedias. Men  wore stylish hats and waved to their neighbors. There were bridge parties, bowling alleys, golf courses, and fraternal organizations. Families went to church every week, dressed in their best outfits. Teens had cafeteria sock hops and Saturday night movie dates. A teenage kiss was a big deal, petting illegal.

 

I'm glad I started life innocently, my first 14 years anyway. Those of you who know my work as a novelist and unabashed chick magnet understand that I had a bizarre path of adult experience, but Walt Disney made a deep permanent impression, no matter what else was superimposed. My fictional heroes are confident, honest and courageous, like Spin and Marty, Davy Crockett, Mike Fink and, out of the night when the full moon is bright, the horseman known as Zorro.

 

Parenthetically, I'd like to clear up the mystery that baffled Fox News. Andrew Cuomo wasn't innocent as a kid. He grew up with a gold spoon in his mouth. He sent infectious covid patients to nursing homes, instead of the USN Comfort hospital ship or the Javitz Center field hospital, to screw Trump, avoid giving him any public credit. He lied about how many died in congregate nursing homes, lied about why, lied in daily press conferences, and lied to legislators to cover up his incompetence. Cuomo got a book deal, an Emmy, and fawning CNN air time joking around with his corrupt brother, because he was next in line to be crowned with glory, in case Lunch Bucket Joe had another brain aneurism. Cuomo was considered "safe" because he was just as dirty and devious as Biden.

 

That's the difference between me and (take your pick) Cuomo, Biden, Clinton, Obama. They have to hide who they are. Hillary confessed the purpose of lying: "What difference at this point does it make?"

 

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